WASHINGTON, DC - A noticeably weathered President George W Bush today announced the immediate launch of the Widow Caging Act, a ”surprise policy” designed to eradicate what he called an “epidemic of elderly widows who continue to hoard our most prized real estate.”
This morning National Guardsmen began the emotional task of raiding widow residences in what critics say may be Bush’s most aggressive strategy yet towards jumpstarting an ailing economy.
Bush revealed the plan will be funded almost entirely from private sponsors like UHAUL, who’s storage facilities will temporarily house the widows until a permanent location can be determined.
Family members looking to contact a displaced widow are urged to call UHAUL’s toll free phone number, 1-800-Go-U-Haul as soon as possible.
Please note that all unclaimed widows will be suffocated after 24 hours.
