Bill Ripken: “I AM a Fuck Face”

Former Baltimore Oriole second baseman Billy Ripken, who in 1988 historically teamed with brother, Cal Ripken Jr. and father, Cal Ripken Sr., officially confessed today that after twenty years removed from the game, he finally can admit to being, as his famous baseball card depicts, a Fuck Face.

Ripken’s 1989 Fleer baseball card became one of the most sought-after collectables in history when, unbeknownst to him, teammates inscribed the words “Fuck Face” to the bottom of his bat just as he was to appear for the card maker’s photo shoot.

The words somehow escaped the eyes of Fleer proofreaders, forcing the trading company to subsequently correct the error by releasing various alternative versions scribbled with marker, smudged with White-Out, and finally a black box.

In a rambling press conference, an awkward Ripken spoke candidly of his twenty year battle with “emotions,” categorizing himself as a mean, “fuck-faced prick.“ 

“Part of my rehabilitation calls for me to admit my faults,” said Ripken.

“I’m here to tell the world that in 1988 I was a Fuck Face…and twenty years later as I stand before you today, I remain a Fuck Face.”

“That card was accurate,” he said, smiling like only a Ripken could.

“It saved my life.”