J-Lo Sells Uterine Cavity Photos

Just days after peddling exclusive “first look” photos of her twins to People magazine and OK! for $6 million, Jennifer Lopez yesterday sold pictures of her uterine cavity to Grooved Shoulder in exchange for $300 and two Maine lobsters.

Ledger Prank Goes Too Far

NEW YORK, NY – Invesigators are actively seeking a prankster responsible for hanging a fake skeleton outside the residence of actress Michelle Williams last week, NYPD representatives announced on Monday.   

Police believe the skeleton is a ”disturbing reference” to the recent death of actor Heath Ledger, Williams’ former lover and father to their 20 month old baby. The couple split in 2007.

Ledger died on January 22, 2008 from an accidental overdose of prescription medication.

Cuntloaf Wins Big at Vajay-Jay Awards

LOS ANGELES, CA – If we learned anything from Sunday’s 5th annual Vajay-Jay Awards, it’s that the power “to offend” remains refreshingly innovative and odorous as ever.

Acting as a virtual breeding ground for vaginal nicknames, the Vajay-Jay Awards have become America ’s delightfully dirty little secret, responsible for introducing the world to some of the more contemporary ”muff words” imaginable.

Affleck Child Attacks Paparazzi

LOS ANGELES, CA – Paparazzi looking to snap a quick picture of Violet Affleck received a wake up call of sorts early on Tuesday morning after the 16-month old daughter of star’s Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner attacked a pair of photographers outside LA nightclub Le Deux.

Celebrity Gift Lounges Now Offering Babies

PARK CITY, UT – Ashley Olsen scored a sweet pair of vintage Ray Ban sunglasses as well as a 13-month old baby boy while passing through this year’s Sundance Film Festival InStyle celebrity gift lounge.

The recent trend towards offering complementary babies to Hollywood stars have many concerned that swag lounges, which offer celebrities the opportunity to walk away with more than $100,000 worth of free goods in a mere few minutes, definitively crosses the line.

Bjorks Behaving Badly

Before we begin, let’s get one thing straight in regards to “assaulting” someone. There are assaults and then there are assaults.

The former more often than not is your standard, ferverless altercation. The latter involves an all-out passion to destroy.

We need not lecture Bjork on the differences between the two. Like a lion protecting its cubs, her 1996 attack on a British reporter will forever entrench itself in our hearts.

Now some twelve years later, she’s at it again!

Open Letter to Lauren Conrad

Dear Lauren,

If Grooved Shoulder were presented with the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to deprogram one celebrity from its internal memory, the choice would be easy.

YOU.

Please consider this open letter not an act of bitterness but rather the voice of a growing legion who see you as fraudulent.

7 Roots, 1 Cup

You may be skeptical of its authenticity. You may find it funny. You may notice the phenomenon as you drive in your car(left). With that being said….

South Philly in the house, ya’ll…….Do You Want More…….??!!!??!

Ummm…no.

That seems to be the consensus opinion of Philadelphia ’s loveable hip-hop saviors, the Roots, who recently became proud inductees into the “Best Reactions to 2Girls1Cup” Hall of Fame.