Fanning in Fetu?

LOS ANGELES, CA – Just weeks after securing the contractual rights to a still underdeveloped, yet destined to be famous Fanning embryo, Grooved Shoulder has learned that Lions Gate Film Studio is now on the verge of subtracting a member of the gifted acting family from future projects.

After scandalous pictures surfaced on the internet last week depicting child actress Elle Fanning, 10, as a brainless fetus in fetu-like parasitic twin living off fellow actress and sister Dakota’s “host” body, Lions Gate executives are prepared to terminate her contract with the studio as soon as Tuesday.

My Little Glo-Pussy©

SEOUL (AFP) -Settle down, perverts, you can’t stick your “thang” in these pussies.

Take a hike, collectable geeks, these meow-meows are not sold in stores.

As far as we know, the Crazy Cat Lady has yet to score one of these felines.

And from the information we’ve gathered as of press time, these cats do not paint.

Instead they’re latest, greatest creation of Kong-il-Keun, South Korea’s famed scientist, who along with his mates at Gyeongsang National University in Seoul have successfully cloned kitties in effort to better develop treatments for human genetic diseases.

But these ain’t your typical cats.

Just like this ain’t your typical newscast.

Now If I Could Just Get a Glimpse of Those Eyes…

Unfortunately we’ll never know the reasoning behind why we’re not allowed to view those gorgeous baby blues. 

Is it the work of a medical journal editor with a misguided sense of HIPAA privacy? 

Is it a wonderfully sarcastic photoshop creation?

The decision is too much to handle. So, so much is on the line.