Acting as a virtual breeding ground for vaginal nicknames, the Vajay-Jay Awards have become America ‘s delightfully dirty little secret, responsible for introducing the world to some of the more contemporary “muff words” imaginable.
Sunday’s telecast, backed by dozens of celebrity attendees anxious to hear the next “it” word, never once disappointed, excelling yet again in its mission to honor exceptional achievement in vaginal profanity.
When we last departed Hollywood’s Kodak Theater, Twatwaffle, 2007’s Academy darling, took the world by storm following its win for Best Vaginal Swear Paired with a Breakfast Food.
In addition to spawning the indie film “Twatwaffle” starring Christina Ricci, which grossed over $120 million nationwide, the word became even more a phenomenon after actress Jane Fonda used it to insult The View’s Joy Behar as the two bickered over America ‘s role in Iraq .
But that was last year, and well, to join in on the festivities, a lot of fish tacos can be devoured in 365 days.
And they were.
2008’s program began on an elegant, yet humdrum note, as its first group of awards were also the most predictable.
Muffsmooch, with no real competition in its path, easily captured Best Swear Paired with a Cute, Intransitive Verb.
Douchenozzle again, surprised nobody, taking home the award for Best Vulgar Hygiene Swear over an inexperienced Tyrannodoucheosaurus while Clitdick won Best Southern Swear for a record sixth year in a row.
But as the program wore on, it became more and more apparent the night belonged to Cuntloaf.
After beating upstarts Cuntbubble, Buttercunt and Cunt-tard in a competitive Best C-Word category, Cuntloaf went on to snag consecutive victories for Best Swear Paired with a Carbohydrate as well as Best Swear to Incite a Melee.
One of the night’s bigger shockers came late in the show as Academy voters awarded Biggest Celebrity CuntBag to Tyra Banks for donning a “fat suit” earlier in the year. Going into the evening, many thought she would instead be celebrated for her contribution to the industry.
Otherwise, the glorious, successful evening concluded with Meat Wallet corronated as Best Future Innuendo for a Vajay-jay, beating out Fly Catcher, Stench Trench, Hatchet Wound and Loose Meat Sandwich in an online e-vote by fans watching at home.