AUSTIN, TX – Barrack Obama’s future as a viable presidential candidate is in jeopardy tonight following a blatant Zombie attack that has many weary he may be infected with Zombie antibodies and turn “undead” within days.
While greeting supporters Monday in Austin, Obama was gruesomely bitten on the neck by an African American Zombie posing as a delegate from Texas, effectively bringing his campaign to a screeching halt.
Sequestered indefinitely to receive around-the-clock blood transfusions, Obama’s chances at wrapping up the Democratic nomination next week have now become much harder.
With the Texas primary set for March 4, the timing couldn’t be worse for the junior senator from Illinois and current frontrunner for the Democratic nomination, who’s momentum was at an all-time high prior to the attack.
Texas voters, who in recent years have become more racially progressive in comparison to their bigoted predecessors, must now decide whether it may be too soon to support a black candidate who ALSO may have Zombie blood running through his veins.
And more importantly, it’s given Hillary Clinton a new lease on life.
Just moments after Obama’s attack the New York Senator borrowed $10 million from her personal bank account to fund emergency campaign funds into the state, well aware the race had changed and once again was up for grabs.
While at a campaign stop in Austin early on Tuesday, Clinton didn’t mince words in reaction to Obama’s plight.
“I could stand here before you and say ‘Let’s just treat everyone the same, let’s get unified, the sky will open, the light will come down, celestial choirs will be singing and everyone will know we should do the right thing and the world will be perfect,’ ” she said, reaction to potentially electing a Zombie as President.
“But the reality is that you can’t place trust in a man who eventually will knock on your door, rip your child’s intestines out, eat them, stick the leftovers on their head, wear them for a week, throw them away and then turn to you and do the same.”
“Do you want that?!” she screamed.